Lavender marriages? In 2025? You’d be surprised!

Lavender Marriages Are Still a Thing—and Gen Z Isn’t Sure How to Feel About It

In a world where “Be Real” is an app and coming out videos go viral, it’s easy to assume that lavender marriages—the old-school arrangement where one or both partners are queer but publicly present as a straight couple—are ancient history.

Spoiler alert: they’re not.

From influencer power couples to K-pop stars and even some high-profile celebrity marriages, whispers of “lavender” arrangements are still everywhere. Gen Z, raised on queer theory, drag race, and deep dives into PR relationships on TikTok, is left asking: Why are we still doing this? And is it ever okay?

Let’s get into the mess.

What Is a Lavender Marriage, Exactly?

A lavender marriage is a relationship—usually between a man and a woman—entered into to protect one or both parties from public or familial scrutiny about their sexuality. Think: survival over romance. It was common in Hollywood’s golden age, when studios demanded heterosexual perfection. Rock Hudson. Judy Garland. Tab Hunter. You get the vibe.

But in 2025? Gen Z is supposed to be the generation of authenticity and rainbow capitalism. So why do these marriages still exist?

The Modern Lavender Marriage: New Faces, Same Script

The dynamics have shifted—but the arrangement is alive and well.

Case Study: The PR Couple Vibe Check
Ever notice two influencers suddenly “fall in love,” post couple content, and land a brand deal with a mattress company three days later? Yeah. Lavender marriage 2.0. While not always about sexuality, many of these "strategic relationships" involve queer folks soft-launching hetero partners to preserve brand appeal or dodge discrimination in certain industries.

One anonymous user on Reddit shared:

“I’m a queer woman in a deeply religious family. My 'husband' is gay too. We both wanted freedom without the backlash. So we live together, split bills, and date who we want privately. It's weird, but it works for now.”

This isn’t just about fame. It’s about survival in every form—social, emotional, even financial.

Why Gen Z Still Engages in Lavender Marriages (Yes, Even You)

1. Safety First (Always)

Despite all the progress, being openly queer is still dangerous in many parts of the world—and even parts of America. For some, a lavender marriage isn’t about deception—it’s about protection.

2. Family Pressure is Still Real

Especially in immigrant households, religious communities, or conservative small towns. For Gen Z kids trying to hold onto their identities and their families, a marriage of convenience can feel like the only way out of a double bind.

3. Branding & Clout

Let’s be honest: some couples are a business. And a visibly straight pairing still unlocks more brand deals in certain markets. It’s messed up. But it’s real.

The Downside: Queer Erasure & Burnout

Lavender marriages might keep up appearances—but they often come at a cost.

• Living inauthentically sucks. Constantly filtering your words, relationships, and identity is exhausting. Burnout is inevitable.

• It reinforces outdated norms. When queer people have to present as straight to survive or thrive, we’re still centering straightness as “safe.”

• It confuses the narrative. As one Gen Z commenter on TikTok put it: “Why do we keep calling every same-sex affectionate friendship gay and every opposite-sex couple fake?” Fair point. The speculation spiral can get toxic fast.

But Is It Always Wrong?

Here’s the spicy part: maybe not.

Some Gen Zs are reclaiming lavender marriages as strategic, consensual relationships—built on mutual benefit, not manipulation. Think: modern alliances, but with a dash of queer solidarity.

As one anonymous queer creator shared:

“My best friend and I are married. We’re both queer, both tired of dating, and we love each other platonically. This gives us stability, shared health insurance, and a future that feels safe.”

Is it conventional? No. But is it wrong? Also no.

Final Thought: The Goal Isn’t to Shame Lavender Marriages—It’s to Make Them Obsolete

Gen Z isn’t afraid of the truth. But we’re also not immune to pressure. The real issue isn’t that some people still choose lavender marriages. It’s that our world hasn’t made it safe—or profitable—not to.

Until being your full queer self is as safe, celebrated, and profitable as pretending to be straight, these marriages will keep happening in the background. And honestly? That says more about society than it does about the people in them.

So, What Do You Think?

Would you ever consider a lavender marriage?
Do you think it’s self-protection, or self-betrayal?
Sound off in the comments, or anonymously spill in the DMs—we won’t judge.